Lesson Learned!

SOo today was a very a good day for me, sorta (we'll get to that in a minute). Finally found the courage inside of myself to go for my learners test. You may think that it was a learners test and what was the big deal, but to me it was a huuuge deal. I had this insecurity of failing one of the most simplest tests out there. I can't pinpoint exactly why, but I had this thing inside of me thinking I could fail at the simplest things, me dreading feeling inadequate.
Well the sister encouraged me and planned to take me to go get them, so being the procrastinator I am, studied and crammed a couple hours before going... My heart was beating so fast thought it was going to leap outta my chest and go bouncing accross those linolium floors. I collected, and concentrated on each question carefull as not to read so fast that some little minor information might escape me.
AND Viola! PASSED.
I felt exceptional for those next two hours, a fear instilled within me, approached annnd conquerd!!!!
So in the begging i mentioned my day was sorta swell, only because I snooped on something that shouldve been left alone, for my own sake! But nooo snooped and found and realized somethings I rather of just not of known. It was such a bruise to thee ego that I vowed that I would never EVER allow again to happen so help me! It was that bad... But rather not ponder on that too much so I can get over it. DUDES are so typical its hysterical. ND to allow myself for a breif second to think other wise. totally got hold on me and made me look foolish! Any how, that was a glimspe of my day *__^

Rain, Rain, Go away!

Rainy, cold, downright depressing weather. That right there just expressed my mood for the morning. Sipping on a hot cup joe trying gather some energy, but find it harder today.
My hope for this blog is to maybe figure some things about myself and I guess a way of dealing with them by writing it all down, my therapy I suppose you can say. A way to sort out my feelings because I feel so much, that my problems and emotions get entangled and confused together so bad that I cant separate them and deal with them appropiatley.
Well to get started, I'm twenty one. With absolute honesty, I have to admit this is the most bewildering time in my life. I have no clue, whatsoever of who I am, where I'm going and how I'm gonna get there. I should at least have an inkling to all those but I dont.